Wasn't That A Party......Gnome Fest V Good Times

First I have to say Gnome Fest V held @ Levis Trow Mounds in Wisconsin rocks a sawheat ass 20 plus miles of sweet flowy rooty rocky exposed ramps skinnies that any mountain biker would or should love! These trails are on the IMBA epic rides and I will return!

First the goers....Matt McCutchen, Steve Garton, Sammy Lopez and I bolted outta Des Moines around 7am. When we arrived in Spartan WI roughly 4.5 hrs later... we bought a boat load of beer. I believe it was shortly after that we came up with the idea of gnome napping some unlikely local Wisconsin's gnome from their front yard and taking him on the trip with us. Now it will become a Gnome Fest Tradition. A plan was soon hatched and a gnome was spotted in Black River Falls.....just outside of our destination.

this is Billy...

Once we arrived it was drink some beers get set up then go ride.

we put Billy on gnome guard watch just too make sure no other gnomes got any funny ideas of stealing our frothy suds...
We road with the IC crew of Ben, Brent or Brett, Aaron and Adam. Came back to camp had some more beer, then went back out for 2 more runs of some very fun trail.

Adam and Aaron after our first ride...

Around 6pm Friday evening thee free keg of Cat Tail Ale was tapped...

Billy was stoked to be given thee job of checking ID's....

but some where in the blurr of things Billy either drank to much or you could take note of the rumor....Billy had a miss understanding with one keg go'er. I'm not 100 percent on this but the rumor was.... he was pissing in Brians cup, and showing girls his down stairs mix up. Brian did not like this as you can see. I tell ya Billy has great party skilz...little focker held onto the pipe. Sure he was all broken up but

Amy one of the girls kinda felt bad and took it upon herself to fix up thee mix up Billy had made.

The guys where not having any more of his mix up or mouthiness so they wrangled him up to a post taping up his mouth, downstairs mix up and his pipe......poor little guy stayed there til Sunday morning....but I don't think that stopped ole' Billy from getting a little I do remember seeing a condom and lube taped too him some time Friday evening....sneaky little focker. From this point on Friday night becomes very blurry...

Saturday morning we woke to some heavy fog....not only in the air but in our heads as well. Thee announcement was made that registration for the fest and dirty alley cat was to be at 11:30am. Seeings it was only 9 or so we opted to run into the nearest town for beer, then come back and eat, then prepare for the morning ride.

Sammy on Toads Road...this was actually taken on Saturdays ride....

group shot @ thee intersection of Toads Road and Switchback....

Sammy wishing we would have road Switchback thee other direction...upon getting to thee level spot of Switchback I bust out the 2 Bud heavy's I'd packed in to start the day's first ride right. By now its pushing 11 am and we need to start heading back to get registered. After we got registered we sat around drinking some beers and mingling with other like minded souls of thee dirt.

Matt sits as we wait for the start of thee dirt alley cat.....a little back round on how this dirty alley cat was too work. Simple.... 7 or 8 points on the trail would hold a sticker sheet....grab a sticker place it on your map by that points color then roll onto the check point to do what ever the person/s manning that point told you to do. You had to have a sticker before doing your task. Our plan for thee alley cat was simple we (Steve, Sammy, Matt and I) were loading our camelbacks with beer to enjoy the ride not.... really race hydration. We were going to stick together and enjoy the trail. Well the plan didn't quite go off like that. Some how there was confusion of the start at least on my part. I didn't here go.... people just sorta took off....next thing I know is I see Matt way up the trail with Steve and Sammy no where to be seen and my beer two swallows from full. Chug beer and bolt after Matt, all up hill:) Make it to the first sticker pad, grab and bolt for the check point. Upon arrival there is a huge line....our task stick 3 darts in the board from very close. I find Matt and say we'd just as well drink a beer its a long line. As soon as I crack me Bud heavy the mate running this check point say's " whom ever is drinking a beer or has beer come to the front of the line" Why hell yes we will:)

Matt getting his map signed so we can roll to the next sticker point. Having found the next point on our mornings ride we didn't have to look at the map...it was just go. So up Northface to Toads Road, get sticker and bomb down to the check point where

Anatra was waiting with some blackberry brandy mixed with PBR.....not the best tasting but it wasn't all that big either. Here we decided to have a safety break to make sure our beer was still ok:) After that we headed too the next sticker pad. Once again knowing where it was from our earlier ride was cool, but knowing the fasted way there was a different story. We bolted down the cross country skiing paths to what we thought was the right turn. Upon getting in we found ourselves back on Switchback....the same way we road it earlier....CLIMB ON....after a little short cut through the woods we cut off a good part of climbing and found the sticker pad. Matt made the decision to hit the check point after we hit all the flatter trail picking up our stickers.....makes sence to me. On to the flat stuff....so now we have two check points covered fully, with one sticker unsigned...so 2.5 of 7 points. 3 or 4 beers in us and headed for the most entertaining check points yet. Bust ass to Yellow Jacket...get sticker.... then hit the head Gnomes wife's check point....Beth is awesome and when she asked to see cock.....well at this point Matt and I could really care less.....drop our shorts to our ankles in laughter of the mayhem going on around us on such a wonderful day. Beth gives us extra points as there was no questioning her authority...signs our maps and we are off to Gary's (Beths husband) check point.....Beth gives us a hint.....its Gnome American Idol at Gary's check point......great:)

So as we roll up this human pyramid with titties exposed a plastic beaded cock in the top girls mouth is what we stop and see.....before we leave for our sticker all the girls got there titties out....this was thee only team so far too recieve perfect 10's.....now Matt and I have to roll past the titties to go get our sticker and think of what the hell are we going to do while we roll back for the task at hand:) How in the hell do you beat titties with 2 men on the judging panel? You make an offer to thee judges that hasn't come yet.....back stage safety meeting and beer:)
After our meeting Matt and I decided to sign an old Tom T Hall song from my childhood day's......."I Like Beer" ....chores only. It worked....perfect 10's....now there had to be a duel at the awards ceremony between Matt and I and the Titties Tower if no other 10's were awarded.....we were so screwed:) All of this excitement had taken around an hour and 40 minutes.....and we were told by the Idol judges it took a little over 20mins to get back... cutting it close to our 2hr time limit. Once again calling on the outlaw ways of thee alley cat....Matt and I rolled around the taped off ski trails that had just been freshly seeded and bombed them like mad ass downhill drunken pro's as a means of getting back fastest without penalty.

Now back....everyone was asked to bring their favorite six pack of beer to the beer pot luck before thee awards. A lot of very good dark beer in there kiddies:) And I must say I had too many as things get blurry after thee awards...

Matt and I prepare to sign for the crowd.....there is a video somewhere out there... not that it's good but I can guarantee that its funny as hell!

the titties tower was much better in the woods:) Every thing past this point is fuzzy....and the following undie mini bike racing I didn't even get to see....next year, next year....and I'll be participating:)

some of the ladies....

some of the men.....

McCuthen and his mask of death.....

Billy's ride back to Iowa:)

Well thats it mates most of what I remember. Bottom line the trails kick ass, the company was awesome, and the time was priceless!

huge amount of photos here, first 7 pages from this year, Sammy's photos.

Peace